Hi. My name is Angie, and I am a single mother to a sweet, loving, playful, free-spirited, curious and brave little boy named Grayson. Grayson is a typical 4 year old boy. He loves the park, he likes to ride his bike, he likes watching cartoons and playing outside. He likes to ride his scooter and play with all his toy cars, and goof around with his dog Squirt. Looking at my son, you wouldn’t guess he has autism, but in fact, he does. He loves the water. He loves to be near it, in it, or watching it because it’s very soothing to him. He switches light switches on and off constantly, he has repetitive behaviors and has to have a set routine. If it’s different, it’s a trigger for a bad day for him. He has sensory issues and self-harms. He’s hyperactive and is always jumping, running, or seeking sensory input. He has meltdowns and elopes constantly.
My son was diagnosed at level three at the age of almost 4 1/2 this year, June 2025. The journey hasn’t been easy, and the road's been pretty rough actually. I spent many sleepless nights studying, staying up late researching, writing things down to try with him the next day to help him regulate his emotions better. I was trying different techniques with my son so I could help him be more grounded and focused, and so I could better understand him. I took him off all red dyes. I put him on a better diet. I started giving him vitamins and probiotics and omega-3‘s to help his tummy issues and hyperactivity, and I even switched doctors to get him into a psych doctor here in Walla Walla that everybody said was the best just so that I can try to get him the best care that I could. But even she thought he only had ADHD and wouldn’t listen to me and only wanted to medicate him. I said absolutely not and continued to stay up late, studying and finding different techniques that would work with his emotional dysregulation and his hyperactivity, his moods and restlessness at night. Anything I could do to help him sleep, because he wasn’t sleeping at night or he’d wake up in the middle of the night or he’d wake up early in the morning and just be going non-stop like a car with no breaks.
When I was studying, I got into looking at how kids dopamine and serotonin levels can be either too low or too high with ADHD and autism, and if those are leveled out more naturally, you can keep them off meds that the doctor tries to prescribe. I even took him to a naturopathic doctor, which I paid for out of pocket. But unfortunately, I lost my job and didn’t have the money that I needed to continue to see him. At least I knew at that point it was possible to do things for my son naturally or over-the-counter versus pharmaceutical through the doctors. I started giving him magnesium through the day to try to keep him calm during the day, melatonin for sleep at night, l-theanine, and many other things to help him cope through the day. Nothing seemed to work but the melatonin at night.
Morning walks, night walks bike rides, the splash pad and swimming have worked so well for us this summer! Constantly keeping him going any way I can. Love and patience and compassion is what my son needed, and people just didn’t understand. But I did, and I already see a slight improvement with Grayson with his moods and how he communicates with me. We became very isolated, but I didn’t give up. I studied more and kept trying to figure out what my son needed. I was very alone and tired and didn’t know what to do, but I didn't give up. Instead, I kept going and I kept pushing through the days with Grayson even though I craved sleep, some type of break and just complete silence from all the chaos that entered our lives.
I started noticing things with my son when he was about three. When he started daycare he was very hyperactive and impulsive and ran off a lot. The daycare gave him many chances to stay there; however, he became a safety hazard for himself and others and had to leave that daycare. At the time, the doctor thought he had ADHD and so did I actually. I saw that the YMCA had a nature-based program and I thought it would be the best thing for him because he’d be outside, and then he’d be inside, so it would be perfect for sensory breaks for him. Unfortunately, the behaviors only got worse. Grayson was throwing things around the classroom, and hitting and biting kids, and having behavioral issues, and running off on them a lot. It came to the point where I had to take time off of work just so that when they called me to pick him up, I’d be available. So I finally quit my job. I would have to pick up Grayson daily to the point where he got kicked out of this place as well.
I knew that my son needed me, and it broke my heart as a mom to see my son struggling without being able to tell me why. I knew shortly after this there was more going on other than ADHD and that’s when I began to research about autism more. My son would have meltdowns. He would try to escape the house. He was climbing on everything. He would get into the fridge and eat food and take a little bite of everything and put it back. He turned off the electricity one time and all the food went bad. He would turn up the heater really high, which could have caused a fire. He got into any kind of chemicals or sprays in the house that he could. He sprayed the inside of my oven and would spray the bathroom. It was very frustrating. It just got so bad that I had to put locks on the doors, outside gates, lock on the cabinets, and get rid of things and put things up high. I even put a camera up to watch the odd behaviors my son was displaying. He was climbing on and off everything. People didn’t want to be around, and no one could handle watching him for me. He was jumping on furniture. He was bouncing off the walls. My house just kinda became chaotic.
I knew there was more so I began to advocate more and more for my son for a referral. Eventually I was given my referral up to Spokane and that’s when we got his diagnosis. It was a relief to finally hear a professional say, "you’re doing a great job. You did good without putting him on any medication and holding off as long as you did. I bet it was a long road for you, but you did it. Pat yourself on the back because you had a hunch and got him help. Your son indeed has autism." It was a relief to hear that, but at the same time I couldn't believe it.
The day that I left that office and had to make the 3 hour car ride back home I went through so many emotions - relief, happiness, sadness, guilt, worry! It all hit me, but I didn't want my son to see me upset so I held it all in and just drove. It’s only been a couple months and I don’t think I’ve still fully grasped the fact that he has it. And then some days I do and I cry because again you wouldn’t guess when seeing him that he is on the spectrum because he is so smart and so sweet and polite! But I’ve accepted it, and I can now help my son and get him into the therapy he was needing! Yes, he’s a 4 1/2-year-old developing little boy but then we have the other side of him, where he’s unsafe, he does unsafe things, he puts himself and others at risk safety-wise. He is hyperactive, he’s impulsive, he lines up his toys, he stims, he has meltdowns. He has to have constant co-regulation and one-on-one plus a lot of redirecting.
It takes a lot of patience, loving, and compassion to take care of my son on a daily basis. I am a single mom and I don’t have much support besides my mom sometimes, but even that’s just a little bit because she’s older and can only handle him for a small amount of time. It’s been over eight months since I lost my job because of no child care or baby sitter and all the doctor appts and doctor visits, and 2 1/2 months since he was diagnosed. In the meantime, I’ve helped Grayson so much and he’s also taught me things. He taught me patience. He taught me to enjoy the little things in life. He’s also taught me not to care about things you can’t control and to just be in the moment and enjoy life as it is. Most importantly he’s taught me what unconditional love feels and looks like.
Grayson was born a preemie weighing 4 pounds 8 oz. It was a tough pregnancy for him and I, and towards the end both of us were in bad shape. The doctors thought he’d be born with jaundice and maybe have to be in the NICU and nobody really knew what to expect. However, my son beat the odds and surprised all the doctors. My son is a fighter and my superhero. I will always be behind him and beside him advocating for him and being his voice when he can’t speak up. This hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it because he’s worth it.
There’s plenty more that I can say about my son. I can go on and on about how much of an amazing boy he is and the things I’ve dealt with or gone through, but I think I’ll end our story here. Autism won’t go away, my son has it for life but I’m hopeful he will find his way in life and do ok. I’m so proud to be Grayson's mom! Being a single mom is hard. The late nights, no sleep, no alone time, no rest or self care. It’s all very hard and even harder when you're a special needs mom, but like I said it’s worth it. My son is my world and I am his safety, a place he can be himself and not have to mask his emotions or repetitive behaviors. I’ve come to realize it’ll be like this for a long time. I’m hoping with therapy and me sticking by his side and giving him the support he needs that one day when he’s older, he’ll be self-sufficient, he’ll thrive and be whatever he wants to be. Until then I just enjoy the little moments with him.
We celebrate the small victories and I base my days off of his moods and behaviors and whenever we’re out, I just watch for cues and signs of when things are too much for him or when he’s overstimulated by sensory overload. We stay busy and spend a lot of time together. Anyone reading this, just know that you’re not alone whether you’re just getting your diagnosis, you're waiting for your diagnosis, you're single, alone or you have family that just doesn’t understand. Out of all people, trust me that I understand. I care for my son and do it all. I’m the one that takes care of him, makes the meals, and does the grocery shopping, cleans the house and does all the laundry. I take him to school, pick him up, and deal with all the meltdowns and dysregulation. The hitting, the scratching, the biting, the yelling, screaming, the constant chaos, the constant noise in my house. Our kids are worth it. Our kids depend on us and we are our kids safety.
If anyone ever has any questions or doesn’t know where to turn because of all the waitlists, I’m always open to talk. This journey is very hard and sometimes very overwhelming but at the end of the day, it’s rewarding because we have our babies. Grayson is the love of my life, and I will continue to advocate for him until the day that God calls me home. Grayson has started speech therapy and occupational therapy and he’ll start school September 8 of this year 2025. I don’t set high expectations for my son. We set small goals and try to reach them. I have faith that this year is gonna be better because of the skills and the tools in his pocket he has learned over the summer. As for me, I hope to return back to work by the beginning of next year so that I can continue to fill the dreams and goals of being his mother that I once had. Things like taking him to the beach for his first time without him running off, taking small family trips that I wanted to do. I still believe that these things are possible. I just take things one day at a time.
I don’t know if my story will help anybody, but this is the story of me and Grayson and our journey with autism so far. Thank you to the Walla Walla Valley Disability Network for providing small playgroups for my son to be able to be himself in, and for me to be able to talk to other parents and just be able to be around other people that won’t judge and who understand as well. Thank you for all that you do. It’s appreciated.
